Porn is weird. Sometimes I want to see three Albanian midgets tucked into one trench coat fucking an Elvis impersonator with a nine-iron duck taped to a strap-on. Other times I just want to see a skinny blond with big tits. The male penis has a mind of its own. No one can hope to unlock its intricacy.
If It Ain't Broke
Unfortunately, Elvis-impersonating porn stars are pretty rare, and Albanian midget porn stars even more so. However, there are enough big-tittied blond bimbos fucking on camera for each of us to have five or six.
In a way, that can make it more difficult to find a hot blond to strangle your salami to. The sexy ones get lost in a haze of average bitches that aren't worth a stroke. Save average bitches for fucking. You should only be jerking off to tens.
And guess who has an encyclopedia of tens in their grey matter? Me. And the one I'll point you toward today is Alix Lynx. I don't think many of her fellow high school classmates would have predicted that she would be a porn star.
Alix Lynx was born in New York on May 5th, 1989, to a father who was a construction worker and a mother who worked in the health dept. They pushed Alix to focus on school, and she listened.
Alix was studious from a very young age. She always took advanced placement courses and left high school with a healthy supply of college credits already in tow.
Between the credits, she earned in high school and taking classes every summer, winter, and spring break, Alix graduated a year early with a degree in communications. She then went on to get a bachelor of arts and, finally, her MBA. Little did she know that she was getting all this schooling so that one day she could give great brain to guys like Mandingo and James Deen.
While getting her MBA, she worked as a promotional model. This gave Alix her first taste of being the body people are paying attention to. However, it wasn't the first time she had pondered teasing men for money.
Around the age of sixteen, Alix watched a documentary on Playboy, and it inspired her to want to be a porn star. Of course, her parents would have never supported such a goal, so she stuck to school instead of sucking cock. The world would have to wait.
School's for Fools
She didn't jump right from modeling into porn, though. Instead, she tried her hand at several ordinary jobs before succumbing to the inevitable. First, she joined the rat race as an accounting executive assistant but soon worked her way up to public relations.
The company eventually closed, and Alix moved on to become a social marketing manager. It's in this capacity she began working with webcam sites and eventually gave performing a shot. When the money started rolling in, there was no looking back. Alix had found her calling.
She sure did waste a lot of time at school. So let this be a lesson to you ladies. Before you go dropping time, effort, and money into your education, make sure you don't want to ride stunt cocks for a living instead.
Let's leap into Alix's Twitter page and spy on what this bitch gets up to. She describes herself as being in a world of her own. I don't know about that, but her body is certainly in a class of its own.
You can access all the various sites and services Alix uses from her beacon account. Check it out to get the full spectrum Alix Lynx experience. Amongst those services is Alix's private Twitter account, where you can see the sauciest pics and video clips.
If you want to work with Alix, get a hold of her manager Matt through The moment lab. I bet you'll only need a moment if you fuck this bitch.
While making your rounds, don't forget to check out her private website, Club Alix Lynx. Think of it like an Only Fans, but it's all hers. It's definitely the best way to play pocket pool with Miss Lynx.
Alix joined Twitter in January of 2014 and has since gathered one hundred and seventy thousand followers. It's not a huge amount, but it's nothing to scoff at, either.
Easter or Jade?
The tweet currently pinned to the top of Alix's wall is a warning that she dropped an easter egg on Porn Hub. It's the perfect excuse to watch porn. If I had to guess, the phrase "easter egg" is a hint, and the egg is actually a jade egg she keeps up in her puss, so everything stays tight as a tiger.
As with most bitches her age, Alix likes to post Tik Tok trends on her Twitter. I guess the Chinese are just as fascinated by her pussy as the rest of the planet.
Along with Tik Tok, Alix is also on Snap Chat. If you want to see the good stuff, you'll have to subscribe. I'd say it's worth the effort if you already have a Snap Chat. If not, you can skip it.
Alix may not be putting all that education to use pogoing cocks, but it did teach her the value of hard work. Alix is always filming content, posting on her various social media accounts, and finding the next gig. She is one of the harder-working whores in porn.
Cum Customs
Despite her busy schedule, this slut still finds time to shoot custom videos for fucks like you. That's right, gents. Alix is ready to make your dreams come true. You can ask for anything.
But while you can ask for anything, she does reserve the right to say no. I doubt she'll fulfill your request if it involves an albino dude with ulcerative colitis shitting into her nostrils. For one thing, finding an albino with ulcerative colitis is difficult enough, let alone one will to film porn. Plus, Alix is making plenty of money without getting a face full of poop.
While Alix loves her gig as a porn star, it would be an absolute waste if she didn't put all that education to use somehow. That's why Miss Lynx became an author. While this cunt may be educated, she's not going to write about feudal history or rocket science. Instead, she wrote "The Guys Guide: How to be Dateable AF."
This is a book all of my readers need. There isn't a single one of you that is dateable as fuck. You're all as undateable as a dung beetle in the sun. If this book makes you even one percent more fuckable, it will be a vast improvement on where you're at now.
Fresh Squeezed Juice
This bitch is a talented businesswoman. Of all her degrees, the MBA is put to use the most. Alix doesn't stop at porn, books, and custom work. She also sells her used clothing for you perverts to sniff while you cry and beat your meat.
When I visited her store to write this article, she had one hundred and nine items for sale. Most of it is lingerie, panties, and sexy-themed outfits. You can see how sexy Alix looks through your computer screen. Don't you want to know how sexy she smells also? It's like rosewater and pussy juice.
I think you guys will like alex's reaction to a post made by snow white criticizing porn award shows. She says, "Newcomers don't let The Adult Video News Awards make you feel like you don't matter in the industry. It's literally just a show, LMFAO."
Alix retweets that post and responds, "What ultimately matters the most is your fans, the engagement you give them, and the content you create for them. Have fun but never lose sight of that."
What does that mean for you? It means Alix is focused on you debaucherous motherfucking ingrates. All she cares about is giving you boners for you to stroke until you cum all over your nightstand. That's a pretty good deal.
And she plays that role quite well. I have a feeling more than a few of you already purchased some undies before even finishing the article. You know something good when you see it.
Alix is your classic big-tittied blonde porn star with the twist of being smarter than your average cookie. I have to imagine there is some relation between IQ and dick-sucking skills.
The only thing Alix's Twitter is missing is full nudes. While this page gets sexy, it doesn't get vagina-y. You have to subscribe to her other Twitter for that treatment.
Check out Alix's tits and ass. Your penis will be happy you did, plus this bitch has a lot of school loans to pay.
