Men are simple creatures. While ladies are busy having some of the most complicated genitals in the known universe, guys keep it easy. We have a penis, it wants to be stroked, and when it's stroked, we are happy. It's about as far from brain surgery as one can get.
Universal Boner Doner
The only step that has to happen before the stroking can begin is getting hard. Fortunately, the same few things can get almost any man hard, and chief amongst these few things are a big honking set of tits.
Big tits are universally renowned for their ability to cause erections almost anytime a penis is in their presence. As men, we revere tits like religious people worship iconography. The joy I feel in my heart when my eyes meet a bare nipple is the same joy a Christian feels looking up at an image of the cross. Breasts are my savior. In big titties, I trust.
Can tits be too big? Much like how tits can't be too small, tits can't be too large, either. Men appreciate tits of all sizes. However, I would be lying if I said men don't have a special place in their hearts for fat watermelon-sized boobs. They strike a chord with our balls.
You can't blame us, ladies. You must blame evolution. Big tits are a message to all men with full balls that a bitch is ready to accept seed. Not only that, but if your seed becomes spawn, she will have plenty of milk to feed your younglings. I fuck big titty bitches because my species depends on it.
Have you ever sucked on a big titty before? It's like fucking magic. If you were having a bad day, it all goes out of the window. You could be vowing revenge while standing above the corpse of your recently murdered grandfather, but if a tit lands in your mouth, all the anger will wash away. As I said before, men are simple creatures.
There is no better place to take a post-nut nap than on a pair of flesh pillows. The meat inside titties is the perfect viscosity to support the head and rock it to sleep. That shit is like an Ambien. I'm pretty sure I've come close to death taking a post-nut nap on some double Ds.
And double Ds are just the beginning of big tits. The alphabet has twenty-four letters, and D is only the fourth. You haven't lived until you've stuck your cock between two P-cup leviathans. It feels like your fucking a non-newtonian fluid. My eyes rolled so far back in my head that I thought I'd have to have them surgically corrected.
Big Tits as Far as the Eye Can See
Because of how popular big tits are, there is no lack of representation in porn. Every porn site on planet earth features some big tits. Even a site called "This porn website only contains small tits" will have a few big tits floating around. Men just can't help themselves. Sure, the webmaster will try to convince you that a C cup is still small, but we know what's up.
While I love that big tits are a universal feature of the internet, it can lead to market flooding. What's the point of having access to unlimited boobs if ninety percent of them are subpar? It's the twenty-first-century, bitches. I need all of my tits in ultra HD 4K, and if the picture quality is going to be that good, it better be a grade-A set of breasts.
That's why I love watching large boobs on Adult Empire. Adult Empire is a pay-by-the-minute porn site with an overflowing collection of incredible content. No matter what your thing is, you'll find it here. But today, we are focusing on big floppy danglers.
While I'm not a fan of the bright white background, the rest of the design on Adult Empire is top-notch. Even an old retarded fuck could figure out how to navigate the place. The main menu resides up at the top and contains the options Home, Search bar, My video on demand dashboard, Sign in, Shopping cart, DVD, On-demand, Sales, New releases, Categories, Unlimited, Sex toys, Porn stars, and Free and original.
To supplement the main menu, there is a navigational menu running down the left side with the options On demand, DVD, Blu-ray, VR, Rental, Sex toys, and Porn stars.
Don't be a Snatch Snitch
That's enough details. Let's get an eyeful of the big tits on Adult Empire, starting with "My Pervy Family - Don't Snitch." This film stars MJ Fresh and Brick Danger.
Step-siblings MJ and Brick are hanging out in Brick's room when her dad gets home. As usual, the first thing he wants to do is yell and scream. It's never about anything important. The guy's life just sucks, and he takes it out on those around him.
Regardless, MJ doesn't want to be on the receiving end of it, so she asks her stepbrother to cover for her. Brick does so, but this still doesn't make MJ happy.
Her dad being around meant MJ couldn't invite any dick over to the house, and she is horny as fuck. If she can't invite some dick over, then she will work with what's available, and what's available is Brick.
MJ paws at his cock and asks him how big it is. When she discovers that it's quite large she gets very excited. Perhaps today won't be so bad after all.
MJ gets her stepbrother hard by tugging and sucking his dick. This drives Brock wild, and soon he is ready for more. But, before he can slip his member into her pussy, she gives him a vigorous boob job for the ages. I can't believe he made it through without busting a fat nut.
He somehow does, though, and the reward for his efforts is vagina. He hits it in reverse cowgirl before flipping her over and fucking her from behind. Finally, just before cumming, he spins her around once again, but this time into missionary. That way, he can stare deep into her tits while slinging ropes against her snatch walls.
Double Bubble Trouble
Let's get some lesbian action in with "When Girls Play 28," starring Abella Danger, Alexis Fawx, Lacy Lennon, Jade Kush, Alexa Tomas, Honey Gold, and many others.
The cute and innocent Honey Gold and sexy bully Molly Stewart are suffering through detention together. The tattooed goody two-shoes Honey has tattled way too many times on Molly, and she is fucking pissed. Why doesn't this nerdy cunt mind her own business?
Molly has had enough and decides that it's time to teach this bitch a lesson. Molly plays nice and suggests that Honey needs to loosen up a bit and enjoy her life. You only live once, after all.
Molly starts to chase Honey around the room until Molly gets her hands on her and scoops her up. Before long, the two are naked and fucking the shit out of each other only feet from the principal. I hope she doesn't walk in. Oh, wait. Yes, I do.
The Cooter Badge
Following that, we have Lethal Hardcore's "Cream Filled Girl Scouts," starring Braylin Bailey, Nadia Noja, Kenzie Love, and Aubree Valentine. Aubree Valentine has noticed that her cookie sales are plummeting. She doesn't know what the reason is, but regardless, something has to be done. She refuses to be outsold.
Ordinary bitches might try increasing advertisements or working longer hours. But Aubree Valentine isn't an ordinary bitch. Instead, she takes a note from the cream cookies she sells and decides to fill herself with some cream. Who wouldn't buy a box of cookies that comes with a side of nookie?
Do It For Dad
Last up, we have "A Pleasant Moment with Mom," starring Lena Paul, Reagan Foxx, Kenzie Taylor, Christie Stevens, and Bailey Brooks." Christie Stevens is having some trouble with her marriage. They get along great, but he doesn't fuck her like he should.
As she explains her problem on the phone, her stepdaughter Bailey Brooks walks by the door and overhears the conversation. Bailey can't believe that her dad isn't properly fucking her stepmom. She really loves her dad and will do anything to make him happy. Even if that includes fucking his wife. Let's hope that Christie is down for some lesbian action. Something tells me that she will be.
Sometimes all a man wants is a big pair of titties waved in his face. It's amazing how great it can make you feel. Fuck antidepressants. Give me some boobs instead.
Adult Empire is one of my favorite porn sites, so I don't see much wrong with it. The only thing that bothers me is the bright white background. It's not conducive to late-night porn marathons.
I'm surprised you made it to the end of this article without jerking off. You must be a fucking monk.
